Writing this freshly after fleeing a conversation between my mother, my three siblings and I. I always have issues when talking to my family, something feels off, but I think I figured it out now.

Lets start with my mother. Mom is nice, she's also a very good parent and emotionally understanding. But oh my goodness I hate her conversation style!!! I've seen this when she talks to her friends or any other adults: she cuts them off as they are preparing to speak in order to say her own take. I'll see her friends take that breath of "my turn to talk" and then she'll just start talking instead. Somehow she manages to keep conversations mutual enough that most people don't leave out of frustration, but if that goes on too long, emotions build.

And my older sister. She's good at listening and only talking when she needs to, but if she is not interested in what you have to say, she will talk to someone else (this is in a group setting). For instance, I'll be talking about something with a group of a few people (usually six because that's the size of my family). We'll be talking together, me and her, and if I start talking about something she doesn't agree with or that she doesn't really care for, she will pick up a conversation with someone else. It's understandable, I try to stay away from those topics but sometimes she'll bring us to them and when I elaborate she just leaves.

These two are the main reasons that I have issues talking to my family. I can talk to either of them alone, but in a more social situation these traits are amplified and that leaves me feeling unheard.

Ultimately that is why I don't enjoy talking to my family as much as they seem to enjoy speaking to each other. When I join, or even start, a conversation with them, I feel unheard and frankly unwanted. There is a distinct emotion that comes with being ignored or unheard. It's a mix of loneliness and frustration. I still feel it in my chest. It's like dissapointment and doubt mixed with anger. It's not a good feeling and because of that I literally ran away from them.

Here's the situation: We were all talking, it was nice. We were catching up, commenting on school and strategies for passing classes and whatnot. Our conversation had been going a while and I kept trying to find times to chime in; I felt as though my insights would improve the conversation. But most times I opened my mouth to start talking, someone would cut me off. Again and again. The feeling of it started settling in my chest. Each failed attempt added to the pile. Eventually I had enough. I told them "I'm leaving now." and started walking away (I could have handled it better, but I was done with ts). Obviously they were confused at my abrupt exit, they asked why I was leaving and I was like "I'm leaving." I'll talk to them later about this, but being who I am I decided that it was best if I turned on spotify and started venting to my blog ;) Anyway, that's my problems talking to my family.

Thank you for reading!