Today was Halloween and I am still a little bit sick. That doesn't change much though, if I wasn't sick I probably would have stayed home anyways. I'm not one for parties and Halloween is a big party night for youths like me.

Rather than partying or trick or treating, I mostly kept to myself in the basement. My family was having people over and I didn't feel like interrupting so I stayed down there until I grew restless. Eventually I went up to my room, put on my costume (which I put together a few days before even though I knew full well I would be doing nothing on Halloween), and walked outside to talk with my parents for a bit.

Briefly it looked like I would have to drive to a house in the outskirts of town to pick my sister up from her friend's house, so I changed out of my costume, but she decided her stay would not be over until tomorrow and called me to intruct me on what to pack into her backpack. I followed her directions carefully and packed everything she needed: pajamas, a toothbrush, toiletries. At this point I still thought I would have to head over, but my mother said she wanted to make the trip since someone at our house needed transport as well. In the end I never left the house which is more than okay with me.

After that little escapade, I sat back in a chair with a cat on my lap and scrolled good old Instagram. But my feed wasn't normal.

For the entirety of my time on Instagram, I had never scrolled reels at night. It's strange considering how much I use it, but I am very good about my sleep (less good lately though). And although I had never been on reels at night, I had heard bad things about it through the comments. If ever there was a disturbing reel on my feed, the top comments always mentioned the distressing consequences of scrolling at night. I always thought they were overreacting, since often times the reels weren't that scary. But after tonight I believe them.

Each individual video is not that scary in isolation. But tonight they were not in isolation. One reel after another I got scary after scary. Abandonded buildings, monster sightings, strange men doing strange things, ghosts, people watching me. All of this one after another. I kept thinking, 'just one more scroll, and they'll be over. I'll be free.' I kept scrolling but they never stopped. Monster. Sound. Eyes. Message. Body. Head. Everything was there. Until it wasn't.

Suddenly, as if my phone could feel my growing unease and dread. As if it could sense that I thought there would be no end to these horrors. I began to see the most beautiful art I had ever seen. Calming music with swelling clouds, river walks through cyberpunk landscapes, makeup, fashion, dance, music, painting, drawing, animation. My feed had shifted from terror to artistry. It was profound to me.

This experience resonated deep within my soul. I was being shown pure fear, then pure creativity and my emotions were religous. If I weren't an athiest I would have believed that something divine had touched me. I almost do anyway. It was incredible.

And it inspired me to stop scrolling and get to work on something. I went up to my room and experimented with strange eyeliner. I had horns from my costume that I put on as well and made a prototype of a demon goat femboy outfit which is crazy to think about. Then I casual'd it up and cozied up on my bed with my laptop to write a blog post. It's technically not oct-31 right now, it's nov-01, but this post was written on Halloween if that makes sense.

Anyway, that's all. Thank you for reading!